1:03AM

So once again I find myself unable to fall asleep. I don't know what to blame it on...hormones? discomfort? pain in my shoulder? who knows...

The thoughts I've been having are probably the reason I'm still awake. They've been begging to be typed out in cyberspace for everyone or no one to read. Probably the latter! No matter who reads or doesnt read them, they still groan to be written.

I was thinking the other day about how, in the "ministry" we do so much to stimulate people to move forward in their relationship with Christ. Some of it feels like "bleaching headstones", all work and no real progress...no real depth. I have to remain focused on the outcome and not the means by which I get there in ministry...the outcome being the miracle of seeing people connect with Christ. The means are important, but they can't be without an end that has purpose. I fear that too much of our structure, too much of our urgency, too much of our time is spent in bleaching headstones. It amazes me that we've been entrusted to build the kingdom of God when sometimes the only tools we want to use are sponges soaked with bleach. So I struggle between the ease of having a structure that produces a measurable, predictable outcome and the challenges that real ministry demands. Real ministry demands that I pour myself out at the foot of the cross daily, hourly. It's sometimes a bitter wrestling match where parts of me are dislocated for sure. It's so much easier to meet a deadline and produce a program than it is to obey, but obedience is the only thing that's really going to produce anything that actually builds the kingdom of God.

It's now 1:23. I'll be exhausted tomorrow. And there were more thoughts as my body fought with my brain earlier when I was trying to go to sleep. But, as profound as I believed them to be, they were also fleeting...and so I'll call it a night.

Oh...and one more thought that I'll go into more detail tomorrow night at with the youth....At the wedding in Canaa, Mary, mother of Jesus asked him to help the family of the bride avoid some embarassment and public humiliation by producing wine from water. Jesus clearly told her it wasn't his time...and Mary completely ignored him! She turned and told the servants to do whatever Jesus told them to having full confidence that he would honor her request. And Jesus did... He obeyed his mother. Think on that for a while.